Friday, December 29, 2006

My Fraternity

This post is for Nick. He asked one one of my comments... Assuming, you are out to your fraternity, how did that go? I was just wondering because I am in a fraternity as well but am not out, I think if I ever chose to come out I might lose a few brothers friendships?

Lets start with the "are you out to your fraternity?" question. Yes, I am. For those who have been reading and have IMed me, you know that being gay isn't something that defines me. It is a part of who I am but not the whole picture. I am also a HUGE sports fan among other things. The first person I came out to was Brian. Brian had recently come out as gay in the fraternity and had this guy Victor (who I am still friends with) up for a rush party. Brian and I talked a lot during pledging. Brian held on to my secret and let me start my "coming out process" on my own. I was still trying to figure out who I was during pledging and had the greatest time of my life. I got to know some of the greatest guys during that period of my life. Guys that I still talk to and know that I can call at anytime of the day and talk to. I have called them and they have called me.

It was my second semester at my new school, Quinnipiac, when I first started telling some of my fraternity brothers about me being gay. I did not want to have a party or parade for this. I wanted to be able to tell my fraternity brothers and be able to talk about it. Brian had come out during a meeting in front of the entire chapter. I did not want to do that.

I decided to tell one of my closest brothers Dooley. He was roommates with Brian his freshman year and pledged with me. I didn't exactly come out the way I had planned it. I was drunk one night after a party and we were sitting on our couch playing Mario cart. We were the only ones awake and he started this conversation:

"Are you ever gunna bang Jess (a friend of our who lived down the street)"

"Dooley, I'm gay."

"Wait, what?!"

At this point I had hooked up with girls who we were friends with. Nothing big and never had sex with them, but did at parties and sometimes had a little too much fun. Anyway

"wait, you mean to tell me you like dudes?"

"yeah, but I am not attracted to you like that, it would be gross."

"why wouldn't you fuck me? now I'm pissed you don't want to fuck me."

And it went on from there. No, Dooley did not want me to fuck me, he just has this sence of humor that made me feel really good about telling him. The next day we went to this place close to school that has slammin bar food and beer specials, got lunch and talked about my whole situation. From there I told a few others but only ones I was really close with that were in my pledge class. From there a few brothers would ask me here and there. Pull me aside and ask me. Then wonder why i didn't tell them personally.

I told them I did not want to make a big deal out of it. But to let them know that I loved them as a brother in the fraternity and just because I like to sleep with men, it shouldn't change who I am and how you act around me.

There was one guy in our fraternity that was VERY homophobic. I did not tell him to his face and did not make any kind of comment around him. One day he was at my apartment chillin out and it was just me and him in the room. It was about a month after guys started asking me about what was going on and stuff. He came up to me and told me that he should never have been so homophobic and that he loved me as a brother and was good to see a guy like me could be gay and not be "all kinds of gay". It was cool to hear that from him.

The guys took it really well and I was even voted IFC President. It all really depends on your chapter and how close you are with the brothers. If it is a big chapter and you have a house, talk to a guy you are close with, like your big brother or little brother. I know houses at big Greek schools can be somewhat homophobic because they don't want to be known as the "gay house" but feel it out. I know it's hard. It was hard for me, but I just sucked it up one day.

As far as Brian goes, we had a major falling out, despite being fraternity brothers. It happens. One day he walks into our place and sees me getting a massage from these two chicks on the futon. He goes off on this tangent and throws a couple insults at me. We start to fight. It's all really blurry. All I really know is that, my jeans got totally ripped off of me and were in shreds and I was crying. I was pissed off, embarassed, and just had a lot of emotion going on and left to go to Dooleys girlfriends place. I ended up staying there with her and her roommates for 2 nights. I did not want to go back to our apartment. I guess Brian was REALLY upset that we had fought and we sat down and talked. Everything seemed fine until he just stopped talking to me. I'm over it, and have seen him since then and it's fine. Looking back, it really wasn't that big of a deal, but we never fully recovered from that one night.

Nick hope that helps.


  1. Hey JP!

    Didn't know your bros knew. That must've felt good to be out to them and not have them judge you or you having to lead a double life around them.

    And that fight between you and Brian, not sure what exactly the topic of the fight was (one can only assume), but glad you guys are kinda still talking (?).

    Well JP, enjoy your dinner out with Sully and the rest of your weekend. And an early Happy New Years to you as well bro! ;)


  2. Hey!

    I went through something similar to yourself when I was in college. I pledged a local fraternity that had a couple out gay men in it already. Most people who knew me knew I was gay, but I didn't know a lot of the guys in the club well enough yet to tell them face-to-face. At one of the first pledge meetings, during 'Sex Story Night', I got in front of all of the actives and the pledges and told them all I was gay. I got nothing but support from the club. It was touching for me because I had only really come out that summer, dealt with a really tough time with my parents, and was settling back into a college atmosphere. I also am seen as a "'straight' gay" because I am a large guy. Today, everyone I know knows I am gay and it hasn't created any issues to my knowledge. I'd love to talk more sometime on AIM. My screenname is MrIncredible2009 Drop me a line some time and I'd be glad to share stories with you.

    Take care and Happy New Year!!