Internet vs. Gay Bars

I was having a conversation with a reader about meeting guys on and off the internet and how useless it is to even TRY to use the internet to meet someone.

There was a time when I didn’t even want to be NEAR a gay bar. All of my friends in college were for the most part straight. I had made friends with guys that were in the closet who started coming up to me more and more because I started the coming out process with my fraternity guys and the girls we hung out with.

For those who did not know how I did this, I told a few fraternity brothers of mine that I lived with and trusted with my life. From there if someone were to ask me about it I wouldn’t deny it, I would just say yeah. It went from there…

Anyway, the only way I really met guys in college was online. I am going to admit that while in college I would use Gay.com and Manhunt to meet guys who lived near my college. The only time I really used it was when I was drunk and super horny.

Even when I used those site, the usual way the night would go is I would IM certain guys that I found attractive, wait for a response and surf for porn. It would get late and the only guys wh0 wanted to meet me were 60 year old guys. Nothing against 60 year old guys who may be reading my blog, but I am interested in meeting guys around my age. As the night would go on, I would get rejected by a few guys saying that I am “not their type” (WTF is a “type” anyway) Just like with that "hockey player" who said that we didn't click after talking online, it's stupid.

There was a night that I realized that I have to stop the whole internet meeting and try to go to a gay bar and meet guys. My family is all from Connecticut and my sister works in club promotion. One of her best friends worked “gay night” at this club in New Haven called Gotham. Saturday nights, guys like Brian from my fraternity would head to Gotham and he always found a guy to go home with. Doctors from Yale, accountants and guys who worked in insurance up in Hartford he met all kinds of guys there.

I decided one night over during my senior year that I wanted to check out Gotham. I had been working at a Pizzeria Uno’s close to home and this girl Pam who knew about me wanted to go with me for support. She ended up not remembering and getting wasted so she was out of the question to go. In her drunken stupor she told me to go by myself and that I would be okay. So I sucked it up and went.

I parked by the green in New Haven about 3 blocks away and made my way to Gotham. I get to the door and the bouncer there looks at my ID and gives me the 21 and up bracelet. He looks at me and says, “You realize what night it is tonight, right bro.” I nervously look at him and say yeah. He looked kind of surprised. I entered the club. It was about 10:30pm and only the downstairs bar is open. At 11:00 they open the upstairs and let everyone up to the large dance floor and bar area. I had been there before with fraternity brothers on a straight night for some chicks birthday but it was strange to see guys holding hands and I was uncomfortable. After a few beers I went upstairs and took perch in the bar area. I was waiting around and saw this hot guy with reddish hair wearing a zipper hoodie and jeans. Really good looking guy. He had a buzz cut which I really like on a guy. He had a nice built chest and looked good. After eyeing him for 20 minutes or so, he makes his way into the bar area I am in with his friends. After a minute or so his friends head out to the dance floor. He is sitting at the bar kind of staring off into space and I decide I want to buy him a drink.

Right now, its ballsy for me to even approach a guy. I have self image issues, which Tony and Tim smack me around for all the time. Anyway, I make my move from behind and say, “Can I buy you a drink?”

He turns around and looks at me and he smiles. He says “Why Sure JP Mac” (using my full name). I FREAKED OUT. Then I realized it was this guy Justin. Justin was a guy I had talked to online in high school. He went to a high school a town over from me. We had talked in high school, and even met at the mall once.

That day we met at the mall was so awkward for both of us. We talked about stuff and then said goodbye and kept talking online.

Anyway, back to the bar. So we caught up and talked for a little longer. We were both into each other and we decided to hit a diner after the bar closed. We went to the diner and I left the table midway to go to the bathroom. I get back and he had taken a picture with my camera, entered his phone number in and sent me a text message saying HEY CUTIE.

That night turned out to be a turning point in where I was with myself. Justin showed me that I can go to a gay bar and meet someone and not have to feel lame or embarrassed to do so. It took me a while to get used to it, even moving to NYC it took me a LONG time to be able to go to a gay bar by myself.

I guess the point of this is that trying to meet guys on the internet doesn’t work. I think going out, to gay bars has really taught me to not be afraid of myself and that it gives me the chance to meet new people. Even if it doesn’t lead to a sexual relationship, it’s still a new friend and someone to network with and possibly meet someone through.

Hope you all have a great day. I am feeling a little under the weather right now so bear with me.

That guy Ryan called me back, left a voicemail and I called him back and left a voicemail. Phone tag is always fun. Lets hope that I can meet up with him this weekend.

Sweet weekend fo sho

I am sure most of you have noticed that I have been in a bad mood. I feel like I need to apologize to Tim and Jordan because I have been talking to them about a bunch of stuff. Friday, I talked to Sully before he went to work about a lot of stuff on my mind. It’s always good to just talk to someone about anything and everything on my mind.

So, my friend Tony and I have been wanting to meet up for a while now. We met through friends and he reads the blog. We talk on the phone on weekends, drunk dial each other and IM nightly. We talk about a lot of stuff and can say that he is a cool guy.

At around 3pm on Saturday Tony called to say he was on his way over to my place. He was in the city already visiting some friends and had said early in the week that he wanted to meet up on Saturday night. I didn’t think he would be heading over so soon. So, seeing how I was being lazy I cleaned my room and living room up, sat back down on the couch, and zoned out.

Tony found a place and parallel parked by himself on the street and made his way to my apartment. Knocked on my door and I gave him the tour. We sat on my couch, watched a little of the Patriot. We talked about a lot of stuff and the subject of SNL came up and we both love Tina Fey who is now on 30 Rock, which happened to be on my DVR. So after 30Rock I took a shower and we left to go grab some food.

After walking around the Meatpacking district trying to find a place where you didn’t need reservations, we ended up at this place across the street from the Gansevoort hotel . It was a cool place, got a table right away and just caught up and got to know each other more in person.

After dinner, we headed to the Gansevoort for drinks at the Penthouse bar. Most expensive drinks ever. 4 drinks were as much as our dinner. Ridiculous. We headed after to GYM. He had been there drunk one time in the past. The crowd was a lot older than usual. Plus, we really didn’t see anyone that was attractive. Our goal for the night was to each find a guy. We headed up the street to Barracuda. We did 2 rounds of shots of Jager and two beers and got hit on by two drag queens (all in twos) We decided to leave, even though it was still early we left and went to Therapy. Neither of us had been there before, but he had heard of it. We show up and the place was really cool.

We found a place to sit, had a hot waiter named Domenic and the guys sitting next to us were cute. I was attracted to this guy with dark hair but ended up talking to this guy named Ryan, who is from Canada but now lives in NYC. We talked about the Maple Leafs, Raptors and Blue Jays. I talked about how I worked in television and he had always wanted to work in TV so we hit it off.

After an hour of talking, flirting and him talking to me in French he asked for my number. We exchanged numbers and he left with his buddy. Tony had made eye contact with this guy Mike, who was pretty cute. They had been staring at each other for a little bit. Tony went over, made his moves.

Tony has an awesome personality. He reminds me of my fraternity brother/ good friend Cameron. He has a killer smile, charm, and good looks. I’m sure he is rolling his eyes reading this but it’s the truth. I went and joined Tony and these two guys at another table. It was obvious that BOTH of the guys wanted Tony. Mike especially. It was getting late and we were hungry again. We headed over to Lucky’s Famous Burgers which was close by. Mike and his friend Miguel (possibly his name I forgot) I ordered a Burger, was kind of disappointed that Ryan bounced. Mike was playing very hard to get with Tony. He kept saying he was straight, Tony kept calling him gay and it was a funny flirtation. In the subway station Mike kept coming up to Tony and talking to him and they finally exchanged phone numbers.

We got home at 4:30ish and crashed on the futon and watched SNL. I crashed around 5:30 and slept like a baby. Tony woke me up at around 1pm (yeah I know, crazy) and we headed downtown to catch brunch with an “ex” of Tony’s. I call him an ex because they used to hook up off and on, and for the purpose of the blog, they were dating. His ex, also named Ryan (now called “his” Ryan) was at a place down on 10th and 3rd with some people. On the car ride downtown we talked about how much fun the night was, about the guys we had met (and we both met our goal of finding a guy that night).

After not being able to find a place to park, we get to the brunch place and his Ryan and his friends had started eating so we stopped in and said hello. We walked upstairs and instantly I recognized Ryan. He had dated my friend Erik while in college. When Erik and I were talking back when I first started my job in NYC, I had seen Ryan’s myspace page, thought he was really cute. Now here I am, meeting him randomly. I texted Erik saying that I had just met the ex and he thought it was really funny.

We left the brunch place and found this pizzeria called Pie by the Pound. Awesome pizza place on 4th between 12th and 13th. Had a slammin piece of 5 Cheese pizza that had Provolone Gorgonzola Fresh Mozzarella Fontina Parmesan. I added some black pepper, garlic and oregano to it. So gooood. Anyway, Tony and I went into this costume shop that was next door to kill sometime, took a trip to Barnes and Noble in Union Square and then he took off to head back to school.

Overall it was a fun time with Tony. After he took off, I got a call from this guy Rob who wanted to watch the football games. I met him at a bar on the Upper East Side (UES) got a hamburger later on in the night and then headed back to my apartment to nap and head to work. I’m happy Tony and I finally got to meet and spend some time together. It’s crazy how you can bond with someone quickly and have a good time the first time you meet. I don’t want to call Tony one of my “gays” but he is in a straight dude kinda way. Now it’s back to the grind of work.

EDIT: 8am- I left my cell phone at home last night while I was at work. I get home, tired, want to sleep and there is a text from "my" Ryan. I had called Sunday afternoon to say hi. His text said, " Hey. Will call you tomorrow. was at dinner and a movie" Pretty sweet. I'll keep you all updated.