Internet vs. Gay Bars

I was having a conversation with a reader about meeting guys on and off the internet and how useless it is to even TRY to use the internet to meet someone.

There was a time when I didn’t even want to be NEAR a gay bar. All of my friends in college were for the most part straight. I had made friends with guys that were in the closet who started coming up to me more and more because I started the coming out process with my fraternity guys and the girls we hung out with.

For those who did not know how I did this, I told a few fraternity brothers of mine that I lived with and trusted with my life. From there if someone were to ask me about it I wouldn’t deny it, I would just say yeah. It went from there…

Anyway, the only way I really met guys in college was online. I am going to admit that while in college I would use Gay.com and Manhunt to meet guys who lived near my college. The only time I really used it was when I was drunk and super horny.

Even when I used those site, the usual way the night would go is I would IM certain guys that I found attractive, wait for a response and surf for porn. It would get late and the only guys wh0 wanted to meet me were 60 year old guys. Nothing against 60 year old guys who may be reading my blog, but I am interested in meeting guys around my age. As the night would go on, I would get rejected by a few guys saying that I am “not their type” (WTF is a “type” anyway) Just like with that "hockey player" who said that we didn't click after talking online, it's stupid.

There was a night that I realized that I have to stop the whole internet meeting and try to go to a gay bar and meet guys. My family is all from Connecticut and my sister works in club promotion. One of her best friends worked “gay night” at this club in New Haven called Gotham. Saturday nights, guys like Brian from my fraternity would head to Gotham and he always found a guy to go home with. Doctors from Yale, accountants and guys who worked in insurance up in Hartford he met all kinds of guys there.

I decided one night over during my senior year that I wanted to check out Gotham. I had been working at a Pizzeria Uno’s close to home and this girl Pam who knew about me wanted to go with me for support. She ended up not remembering and getting wasted so she was out of the question to go. In her drunken stupor she told me to go by myself and that I would be okay. So I sucked it up and went.

I parked by the green in New Haven about 3 blocks away and made my way to Gotham. I get to the door and the bouncer there looks at my ID and gives me the 21 and up bracelet. He looks at me and says, “You realize what night it is tonight, right bro.” I nervously look at him and say yeah. He looked kind of surprised. I entered the club. It was about 10:30pm and only the downstairs bar is open. At 11:00 they open the upstairs and let everyone up to the large dance floor and bar area. I had been there before with fraternity brothers on a straight night for some chicks birthday but it was strange to see guys holding hands and I was uncomfortable. After a few beers I went upstairs and took perch in the bar area. I was waiting around and saw this hot guy with reddish hair wearing a zipper hoodie and jeans. Really good looking guy. He had a buzz cut which I really like on a guy. He had a nice built chest and looked good. After eyeing him for 20 minutes or so, he makes his way into the bar area I am in with his friends. After a minute or so his friends head out to the dance floor. He is sitting at the bar kind of staring off into space and I decide I want to buy him a drink.

Right now, its ballsy for me to even approach a guy. I have self image issues, which Tony and Tim smack me around for all the time. Anyway, I make my move from behind and say, “Can I buy you a drink?”

He turns around and looks at me and he smiles. He says “Why Sure JP Mac” (using my full name). I FREAKED OUT. Then I realized it was this guy Justin. Justin was a guy I had talked to online in high school. He went to a high school a town over from me. We had talked in high school, and even met at the mall once.

That day we met at the mall was so awkward for both of us. We talked about stuff and then said goodbye and kept talking online.

Anyway, back to the bar. So we caught up and talked for a little longer. We were both into each other and we decided to hit a diner after the bar closed. We went to the diner and I left the table midway to go to the bathroom. I get back and he had taken a picture with my camera, entered his phone number in and sent me a text message saying HEY CUTIE.

That night turned out to be a turning point in where I was with myself. Justin showed me that I can go to a gay bar and meet someone and not have to feel lame or embarrassed to do so. It took me a while to get used to it, even moving to NYC it took me a LONG time to be able to go to a gay bar by myself.

I guess the point of this is that trying to meet guys on the internet doesn’t work. I think going out, to gay bars has really taught me to not be afraid of myself and that it gives me the chance to meet new people. Even if it doesn’t lead to a sexual relationship, it’s still a new friend and someone to network with and possibly meet someone through.

Hope you all have a great day. I am feeling a little under the weather right now so bear with me.

That guy Ryan called me back, left a voicemail and I called him back and left a voicemail. Phone tag is always fun. Lets hope that I can meet up with him this weekend.

My 2 days with Danny Roberts

After reading Matt's post on Danny Roberts I needed to share my Danny story. I was the assistant programming chair for my small school called Marywood located in Scranton, PA. The head of programming was having a "crisis" of some kind and no one else on the board wanted to help plan the upcoming years events during our retreat for SGA. So, with the power, I decided to book Danny Roberts from the Real World New Orleans.

I was able to get him the weekend we wanted him and had my own countdown running in the back of my head.

The booking company called me a week before the event in my dorm room. The conversation went something like this:

Booking Company: Danny will be flying into Scranton, here is his phone number to contact him..

Me: his phone number?

Booking Company: Yes, he would like to talk to you about the arrangements.

Now, I was already excited at the chance to meet him, but getting his phone number made me smile ALL DAY! The time came, I called and talked to him. He had just got back to his apartment from shooting one of the challenges he was on. I gave him the info and told him I was really looking forward to meeting him in person. I was such a happy closet case. haha

Anyway, the day came. I got into my 1994 Wrangler and picked him up from the airport. He came walking out of the terminal, I greeted him and he jumped in my car. I was like my 13 year old sister meeting Nick Carter in the Backstreet boy heyday. We went to the hotel, checked him in and he wanted to go to the mall. I decided that in the jeep was the perfect time to tell him how much of an inspiration he was and how I wanted to start coming out... blah blah blah. He was AMAZING! We talked the entire car ride to the mall. He was telling me about when he came out and that I needed to stay strong and know that my friends will still love me (and they do)

We walk into the mall and here I am, walking around the mall with a guy who was on one of the BIGGEST TV shows for college students. We walked into an Abercrombie and started shopping. I told him how I have no sense of style and can't dress myself at all. (I have got better) so we decided to pick out outfits for that night when he would be speaking. His cell phone rang, it was Paul. After he hung up and went to the check out the guy behind the counter who went to my school and was on a sports team freaked out a little bit (in a good way)

Dude: Hey, you're Danny from The Real World right.

Danny: yeah

Dude: You are my favorite on the show.

(Dude sees me behind him and tones down his excitement... I will get to Dude later)

Later on that night, Dude is there to see Danny speak. As well as this guy Mike who I was hooking up with at the time. Mike lived across the hall from me and is a good looking guy. Mike and I were in the closet but basically dating.

That night, we go out to a bar in Scranton and Danny and the Dude start talking at the bar. I was Danny's DD that night and had an awesome time.

If I were to bump into Danny again he would not remember me at all. Back in the day, he was the most requested Real Worlder on the speaking circuit. From there, Danny gave me the foundation to start coming out and be who I really was. I ended up transferring at the end of that semester to my school in CT called Quinnipiac and started the coming out process all over again to my new friends and fraternity brothers. I kept a picture of Danny on my desk to remind me to stay strong and it definitely helped.

There is my Danny story. Anyone else have a good story with Danny or another Gay Real Worlder? E-mail them to me!