CRAZY

The last few days have been crazy here at work. I know I have been on AIM for the first part of the night, but after 3am I have been slammed with work. My executive producer loves me, has me doing a lot of stuff that she only trusts me in doing, which is awesome but a lot to handle. But I am getting by.

Yesterday I was late to work because I was stuck on a subway for an hour and a half. No one told us what was wrong until about 45 minutes of sitting on the train the conductor gets on the speaker in his thick new york accent, " Ladies and Gentlemen, we are stopped on the tracks and will be moving shortly. A man jumped in front of the train ahead of us and the police need to clean the body parts from the tracks before we can move. Please be patient." The car fell silent and no one really knew what to say. I get to work, late, and tell people about it and this one producer didn't believe me. a half hour later he found a story from the AP about the guy who jumped on the tracks and apologized.

My nights have been getting better. There are people that ARE up and work the same hours as me that I talk to and really enjoy talking to them as I distract myself from work.

I know I have complained about it before, but guys in New York suck. I had a conversation with a guy who played hockey at a D-1 school that now lives here in New York. When we first met, online (ugh), he was really cool. We talked for hours about college, life in NY and it all went really well. I have a softness for hockey players. I played until I was 14 years old and there are guys that play hockey that are just hot. My cousin still plays and is semi-pro right now.

Anyway, he is in grad school as well as working a full time job and is crazy with work and school. So, our conversations got shorter and most of the time I would say hi and he would not respond. Out of the blue he says, "I don't think it's going to work out. I'm not feeling it."

Not feeling it? Are you fucking serious? I mean, I can't help it if a guy doesn’t feel a spark or anything between the two of us, but we never met in person. We are both into sports and he was the one who went out of his way to IM me and chat me up. I don't know. We never met in person and feel like its crazy that you can make a judgment on an IM conversation.

I just don't get guys who live in New York.

Since I moved to New York, I have noticed how open I have become about my sexuality. I am still scared to death to say ANYTHING to my family, but friends and fraternity brothers ask me about love life all the time. I just roll my eyes most of the time. My confidence in myself has grown a lot as well. I mean, I am working out, running 4 days a week and eating a lot better than I have in a long time. I know that it takes a while to get into the routine and see results and I want it to be immediate.

In the near future I know that there are guys that I want to meet that I have been talking to from the blog, which is awesome. I am at a handicap though, YOU guys know a lot about me, where as I don’t know much about them.

Who knows what will happen in the next few weeks, What I do know is I am keeping an open mind when it comes to meeting anyone and want to see where life can go.