I got this e-mail from Dave who wanted to react to my posts and the way I have been lately. this is his view.
"...so this might be out of line for me to say since I hardly know you aside from what you've blogged about so I apologize in advance if I offend you, but you seem incredibly lonely right now. That's just the vibe I get when I see your posts, especially the recent one about needing more gay friends in NYC, and all the pleading from folks to respond to your posts. It just seems like you're really trying to reach out for some affirmation and reassurance about who you are and your place in the world. And I get that because I'm going through a lot of that myself. It's just one of things you have to deal with when trying to figure out just who the hell you are. So yeah, I think it would be good for you to find some gay friends in NYC who you could meet up at some dive bar and watch sports, drink beer, hang out and who definitely understand where you're coming from and have had similiar experiences as you....while straight friends are great, they really have no idea what it's like to lay awake at night worrying about how your parents will react once you tell them that you're gay. And frankly, as great as the internet has been for bringing folks together who may need support and reassurance when coming out, or building some really great friendships (not to mention the hookups), nothing beats having physical contact with someone when you need to most - whether it's from a hug, or a slap on the back. (Sappy, I know, but it's the truth.) Again, sorry if I was out of line with my observation, but that's just what I'm getting from reading most of your posts"
I went out this weekend with the intention of meeting people. There are times where I get too far a head of myself. Case in point...
I was in a chat room, and started talking to this guy who is 25 and lives in Manhattan. e works in marketing and is going for his MBA part time. He also happened to play a sport in college. After talking for a little bit he seemed like a cool guy. It was a good exchange in conversation, nothing big. Just a big sports fan who lives a few blocks away and is gay. We left it at that. I have seen him online a few times more, and have said hello. I hope to chat with him soon again. But I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to reach out and instantly be attracted to him and have some kind of friendship and or relationship. It's taking a lot to not email him and come off too strong, because thats what they say the "game" is all about. Trying to play it right
Time will only tell. I hate playing the game