Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I like guys with boyfriends

Welcome back to those readers who have started coming back. This blog has turned into a place for me to write out my dating woes and try to figure stuff out by writing and reading comments from you guys. I've tried to talk to some of my gay friends about dating but a lot of them have their own shit going on so... here I am.

I recently went out on a date with this guy named Drew. I thought it went really well. . Last week I flew to LA for a friends birthday. I had mentioned to Drew that I was heading out to LA and wanted to get together when I got back. The last time we had talked, I was going to text him before my flight back East and we could set something up for the next night. 

He sent me a text the next morning saying he already had plans. UPDATE: I shot him a text on Monday morning since I had not heard from him. He sent me this text back which I have not and will not respond too, 

"Hey JP,  Thanks. I had a good time the last time we hung out but I am going to decline. Hope there's no hard feelings"
My only reaction to this text is his loss.

While in LA I met this guy named Matt. We were part of the same group at this bar and clicked when we started talking to each other. We ended up making out as the day progressed. He confessed later that night that he has a boyfriend who was out East for a wedding. I stopped the make out session.

Shitty luck but I was on vacation so... no worries.

This past Saturday my night started early with post-softball game beers before I met up with a fraternity brother of mine who also happens to be gay. I told him the story about LA. We both laughed because it's a vacation/drunken pride make out session. I then told him how I was hitting on a guy at Boxers who had a boyfriend.

My goal for the rest of the night on Saturday was to meet a guy without a boyfriend.

I failed miserably.

The next bar I went too this guy started talking to me at the bar. Italian/Puerto Rican mix from the Bronx. About 20 minutes into the conversation he introduced me to his 6'5" boyfriend. We left the bar about 2 minutes later. 

There is nothing wrong with talking to a guy with a boyfriend. I just so happen to attract them.

Our last stop of the night concluded with me being fucked up with a wide range of emotions for 24 hours. I was pretty drunk at this point. Not fall down, sloppy drunk. I was looking for my friend Mark when I bumped into the back of this guy standing near me. I apologized and as he turned around I was enamored with the beauty that was in front of me. 

I got lost in his blue eyes and the only way I can describe the attraction to him is that it was primal. I have never in my life been breathless. 

Now, this is where the night starts to get fuzzy. I remember talking with him and I remember his leaning in and nibbling on my ear. He was there with a friend who was now talking with my friend. 

Our friends disappear and we end up in the back of the bar in an intense make out session. After what seems like ages he pulls away from me and says that he has to get home to his husband. Something that my straight lady friends always look for is a wedding band. I did not happen to notice.

The next morning I am hung over and have to get on a train to Connecticut to go hang out with my dad for fathers day. I get a text from the married man. 

He wants me to meet his husband so we can have a threesome. 

I don't even know where to begin with this....

My brain is telling me to cut off all contact with this guy because he is trouble. He is making out with a random guy in a bar while his husband is at home. 

The devil on my shoulder is saying, "fuck it. This isn't your fault. You can't fight your primal instincts" 

This guy said all the right things to me. Told me that I looked sexy. That I smelled incredible. He knew all the things to say to me and how to touch me in a way that turned me on without all out groping me in a bar. This guy has done it before and will do it again to someone else.

Needless to say, I have not done anything with this guy and as of right now I don't plan on it. A friend of mine told me to cool off and take some time away from guys.  That's what I'm doing.


  1. I feel for ya man- it's a rough world out there. The thing is that a lot of these guys are in open relationships, so they're not necessarily in the wrong, but it's not what you're looking for.

    But what are you looking for? Are you looking for a boyfriend right now? It sounds trite, but it really is true that that's the kind of thing that happens when you're not expecting it. I know that's not particularly helpful advice, but I will say that judging from the kind of disappointments you have, I think you may want to change your approach.

    You're meeting people online and in bars, and generally where people meet to hook up, not necessarily meet a guy they want to date. I think you might be best working within your network of friends. Get introduced to people by mutual acquaintances. If a friend of yours vouches for them, you'll know they're not a creep, and that will go a long way in establishing some trust and intimacy before things even start going. Don't limit it to your gay network of friends. Your straight friends will have gay co-workers, relatives, etc.

    Good luck! We're all rooting for you!

  2. If he's not hiding it from his husband, then you're not doing anything wrong. I say go for it, at least for a bit of fun. You don't have to invest any emotion into it, and it sounds like you'd enjoy it.

  3. crazy life man,, dont worry man, you'll find a cool guy, just do like they say, whenever you aint looking is when you'll find somebody..

  4. Oh I know it's a crazy life. I am taking a break. Going on hiatus as an old friend used to say. I'm taking some time away and think that should help me.

  5. JP,
    You probably know already that I'm going to agree with Will above. :-) But I also agree with James. Here is why. My dad used to fish bass tournaments just about weekend. Sometimes he would be so disgusted that he didn't catch the big fish he wanted. Then he and a friend would go fishing just to relax during the week. They would catch some monster fish. My theory is he tries to hard during the tournaments and when he doesn't, he catches the big fish. You're trying to hard, buddy.

    My advice is to to take a break from hooking up and trying so hard. I think your putting off a hook up vibe to people. Use the time during the break to cultivate you network of friends to get their ideas and maybe to meet some great new friends. Through this, you might meet someone you can love.

    One last suggestion is look for something different beside outside good looks. Forget the looks to be honest and look inside guys for the emotional connection.

  6. EDIT: I meant to say my dad used to fish bass tournaments just about EVERY weekend.

    I hate it when my mind runs way ahead of my typing.