Tonight has been a hard night for me. Emotionally I am spent. Big thank you to Justin for talking to me last night while I should have been running 7 miles... I got 5 in after we got off the phone.
Before I start my story a note to Icon: You leave me comments about when I get all "boo hoo" woe is me. Tonight, for the first time in a long time I feel broken... but optimistic. Everyone: Please read through the entire entry (don't just skim) and feel free to leave advice.
Over a month ago I met this guy named Rusty. He sent me a message on Gay.com because he liked my picture and profile. I had been online, deleting profiles from Match.com and other sights and he had sent me a message as I was about ready to delete Gay.com
He had a picture of himself up that made me do a double take. He is incredibly hot and totally my type. 5'10" Puerto Rican, Soccer players body, very toned... a total stud. We got to chatting and he we moved over to AIM not to feel as dirty. He is a grad student going to school in upstate New York and also plays lacrosse.
That night we talked for 4 hours. We joked, we chatted and everything was really cool. It got late and we called it a night. The next day he said hi and the conversations kept on going.
I shared his picture with a few other bloggers and was optimistic about his return to Connecticut. They all had the same reaction to his picture. WOW.
Into sports, an amazing personality, all around a great guy. Our conversations became more frequent and then our texting started. He sent me a picture text of him wearing a shirt from where I went to school. It was sweet.
K told me "do not fuck this up, or else I will kill you."
I got home from work late one night and my phone rang, it was Rusty. fresh off a win and WASTED he said some of the nicest things to me. First he begged me to come to Upstate and I asked why he wanted me there. "you're cute, you know sports. Why wouldn't I want you here"
The crush depend.
Over the next several weeks we would talk almost every day. I would text him good luck and he would let me know how he did in a game. I was falling hard for a guy who was 500 miles away.
He said he was too. One night he said, "Come here immediately before I punch you in the face!" It was cute, playful and what made me like him. "Why are all the guys I want 500 miles away?" he would say later in the conversation.
This past weekend he was talking about a guy he was crushing on "for a hot minute" and said that he doesn't hold crushes for a long time. That is when I started feeling uneasy.
He ended up hooking up with a guy this past weekend, told me about it and I told him about my amazing head that I got. It was like having a conversation with Billy or Cooper about a guy I had met the night before.
On Monday he was at work, I had woke up and was groggy. He mentioned he was at work and suddenly signed offline. Nothing in the conversation was out of place before that point. I just figured he needed to focus on work.
The next day came and he still wasn't online. I sent him a playful message saying that he had blocked me. We were always joking around with each other. I went to sleep and had not heard from him. This morning I woke up and sent him a good luck text message, as I had done and got nothing back.
He had actually blocked me on AIM and un-friended me on Facebook. At first I thought to myself, "This is VERY high school of him" For some reason I got very emotional about the whole situation.
It's been a build up of having my sister and grandmother in the hospital (but are fine now) trouble between me and my best friend, this overwhelming loneliness and need to be wanted that caught up with me.
A friend who I have known for a while and had the daily Rusty updates talked to me and really helped me clear my head about the whole situation.
I left work a little early to help clear my head and I called a few of my friends and no one picked up. for the first time in a while I cried my eyes out.
Was I upset that this guy all of a sudden, without warning stopped talking to me? I concluded that the reason I was crying was the fact that I let myself fall for someone who was living far away from me and possibly would not have worked out.
I wrote him a short to the point e-mail. I hope he responds but I get the feeling he won't.
This situation has taught me a lot. I sit here, re-hashing it... typing it out for all of you and thinking to myself that this may be for the best. He is planning to stay up in Buffalo. Maybe he met someone and they started dating and couldn't face up to it.
Instead of moping around about the situation it's another one that doesn't know what he is missing with JP.