Moods

I woke up yesterday... did my usual routine and the last thing I do after I wake up is head online and check e-mail. It's routine for me. Part of checking e-mail also includes mail on Facebook and Myspace.

I am kind of obsessed with these two sites. Facebook more than Myspace. For those who know me, I am a very friendly person and care about most of my friends and like to know whats' up with them... Facebook helps me with that.

Anyway, While checking mail, I noticed that my friend from home Kim had posted pictures from a wedding. A guy nammed Bobby got married two weekends ago in Colorado. I first met Bobby in CCD class. For those who don't know what CCD, it's a class once a week for those whp don't go to Catholic school to learn about the bible and yadda yadda.

Bobby is a great guy who I ended up playing football with for 5 years. We lost touch during college and right before I moved to the city, while I was still working as a bartender he came into my place with his fiance. They saw me working and came to see me. Over the next few weeks, Bobby and I caught up. One night he came in and his fiance disappeared outside to make a phone call, it wasn't busy, so I went and sat at the high top he was at. We started bullshitting, swapping stories from people we had heard from and I got this over whelming feeling to come out to him.

Most people I went to high school with didn't know that I was gay. I came up with the strength and told him I needed to tell him something. After the awkward pause, I started talking and a great conversation started. He was happy that I could tell him and asked about a few things like boyfriends, how long have I known and such. His fiance returned and we kept talking. I eventually had to get back to work. Bobby came in a few more times until I got hired here in NYC to work in TV.

Well, I just saw his wedding pictures that were posted up and it looked like an amazing service. It was out in Colorado with the mountains as the backdrop. They met going to CU in Boulder. The wedding party had 5 other guys that I played football with. It was crazy seeing some of these guys that I haven't seen in a few years hanging out again. I then got into this mood after thinking about the 5 weddings I have from now until November to go to. Everyone I know is getting married. High school friends, fraternity brothers but luckily no one in my family is getting married that I know of.

Just sucks seeing all these people being happy in relationships and living in the biggest city in the nation and not being able to find someone. I am trying too hard, I know that. I need to pretty much relax and let it happen.

I had a conversation with Erik, a guy I was crushing on. We have been to a movie, dinner, drinks and such... I know he reads the blog too, and he will be reading this I am sure. Anyway, during this conversation he told me, "I think you like me more than I like you." Fair and true statement. This crush was pretty much doomed from the start. Erik is very cute, has great personality and loves music. No, that did not doom the crush, we never really had the chemistry. I was trying hard to have something when I knew that it wouldn't happen deep down. It's ok though. I have an entire weekend to party and hang out.