I am paying today at work. After I wrote my posts for the day I ended up heading to grab lunch with two of my friends on the East Side of Manhattan. We ate, drank margaritas and talked about mostly my night last night with a bunch of people from work. I also found out that this girl, Kelley, had a HUGE crush on me and then we hung out one night and she saw me hitting on a guy and her world came crumbling down. Oh well.
My confidence is on the rise and I have been meeting some great people and friendships have been flourishing lately. Things are great with friends from school, my friends in the city are awesome and the guys I play softball with are amazing. So why am I cursed?
Over the past month I have met some awesome guys. Since I have moved to the city I have met some amazing people. There have been some rough patches but everyone has those and should be expected. But I really think I could be cursed when it comes to guys. Why do you ask… two examples and they both read this blog so they can’t be angry with me.
First, Tim. Tim came to the realization that he is gay not too long ago. After starting to come out he met a very nice guy who he has really fallen for. All within the first few months of him being “out”. I envy Tim for that and have told him on several occasions that he is lucky to have found that right off the bat.
Second is “Jared”. Jared lives in the Midwest US and contacted me from reading the blog. He is deep in the closet and told me that I was one of the first people he could ever type the words “I’m Gay” to. Jared and I became great e-mailing buddys and talked on AIM while I was at work. He developed a crush on a guy he worked with and at one point I thought it would have developed into something else.
He has been absent for the past few weeks and had no clue why. Readers come and go, IM and then disappear. It happens. He signed on the other day and surprised me. He had met a guy at work who he became good friends with and developed an attraction to. One night the friend starts asking questions about what Jared thought about Gay rights and so on… the conversation turned to both of them coming out to one an other and they are now dating. This is Jareds first experience with a guy, first person he tells and now he is dating.
I have had a, umm, long drawn out coming out process and started in high school messing around with guys and now want something more than just a quick fuck or a internet hook up.
How do these good looking guys find a guy within weeks (sometimes minutes) of coming out and all of a sudden be in a relationship?
Please do not get me wrong. I am very happy for both couples and at the same time, I live in one of the biggest cities in the world and has a large gay population. But I still can’t find that guy that is right for me. There are times where I don’t care and times where I do.
The last month I have met 2 or three guys that have potential. I am not banking on Gino calling me back at ALL. Which sucks because I found him very attractive and fun to talk to. Another guy named Rich is just “really busy” along with everyone else.
I even had a guy tell me that my hours were a reason why he could never date me. It pissed me off to no end and the smallest things pissed me off and I blew them out of proportion.
I thought my curse was because I am a BIG sports fan. Sports have always been a part of my life. Matt from DTB had this take on the situation:
“I wouldn't be surprised if most gay guys would be either put off or intimidated by a rabid sports fan. Put off for one of two reasons: 1) they assume you are a self-hater, pretending to like sports to feel more masculine/mainstream or 2) they are so pleased to have come out (i.e. not to have to pretend to like sports to fit in) that any thought of having to pretend to like sports again to date somebody who does is not something they look forward to. Intimidated because they might equate sports fans with the uncles and brothers and local police chiefs and burly coaches who made fun of them when they were growing up for not being able to properly throw a football. The idea of sports, and of being asked to engage with sports in any way, brings them back to an unhappy place.I could be totally wrong and/or making this up, but it's what came to mind when you suggested guys ought to like you for being a sports fan but don't”
Is it bad to be searching for someone to be a companion with? I know relationships just happen when you don’t want them and when you least expect it. Any and all comments are welcome and I hope some kind of discussion can happen here because this whole situation baffles me.