Friday, March 16, 2007

"Friday" Morning + Jack and Cokes

I’ve been promising myself that I would make an extra effort to go out and see people I haven’t seen in a long time. Like my friend Josh. We have an interesting friendship that dates back to when I first moved to New York City.

I had just moved into my apartment up in West Harlem and my roommate Kamil had some friends over to drink. I didn’t have to work that night, so I sat out in my living room and drank 40’s with guys I did not know at all. Welcome to New York.

Josh stood out while we were playing cards. Boyish good looks, charming, smart, intelligent… everything you would want from in a guy. From the conversation, I took it as he was straight. The night went on, more people showed up at the apartment and Josh wanted to smoke a cigarette. He wanted to go chill on the roof while he smoked so I took the invitation and went up.

After about a minute on the roof, he point blank asked me if I was gay. I hesitated and said yes. It was one of the first times I had been called out point blank if I was gay. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no. Explained that I was single and just don’t seem to be a guy other gay guys are attracted to (more on this later)

He goes on how in college he had broken up with his girlfriend and one of his fraternity brothers had just come out of the closet (insert porno music here) He said that they had “messed around” and that’s about it. We talked a little longer and ran out of beer so went downstairs and rejoined the party.

From there Josh and I would constantly talk about relationships and fucking and anything else on our minds. We became pretty good friends. Possibly one of my best friends in the city. My roommate and I grew farther apart because he was dating some 18 year old NYU freshman girl so Josh and I would hang out with his friends and I expanded my friend circle in NYC.

Josh met my friend Cassandra and instantly became obsessed with her. I was a little jealous but wanted to hook him up with her because they were kinda perfect for each other. They got together, started dating after a long and drawn out in-between period with me in the middle trying to get them both together.

The first month of them dating was cool. They set me up on a date with this guy Kevin who turned out to be a total flake. No big deal.

Anyway, people get busy. Josh and Cassie got really into each other, she moved to Hoboken across the river and I lost touch with both of them. Shit happens.

I heard from Josh a few weeks ago. Called and said he had broken up with Cassie and missed hanging out with me, wondered what was going on with me. I kinda let a lot out over the phone and we decided that we needed to meet back up and hang out again. Every time we tied to do lunch, one of us would have something come up and we had been pitting it off for two weeks. So I decided to wake up a little early and head downtown and meet him at a bar to watch some March Madness. I headed downtown to this bar on 23rd and 3rd called the Grand Saloon. Cool place, average bar, average prices for drinks in New York. I saw him, still looking cute as ever sitting with a bunch of friends. We started talking, catching up and what happens, the girls sitting at the table next to us start up akward conversation. They weren’t the best looking girls but it was fun. We all start talking, turns out they went to Holy Cross and knew a girl I grew up with named Sandra. Random.

Wherever I go, if you are from the NY-CT-NJ area, I will almost always know someone in common with you. It’s crazy. We talked about that, some basketball (they were trying to pick us up) and everything like that…

Next the girls asked where I grew up… I told them where I grew up in Connecticut and they said, “Oh my god… do you know Kevin B….?” (a different Kevin from the flake, but still… I seem to have a thing for making out with guys named Kevin…)

I kinda froze, Josh looked at me and knew what was up.

“Yeah, I do know him… he went to Prep right?”

Random Girl – “Yeah, the all boys school.”

Kevin B. was a guy I had met in high school and really never got to know. He was always friends of friends but there was this sexual tension between us. I was at home a random weekend over the summer in Connecticut and I had started talking to Kevin in a chat room and we realized that we were close and both lived in New York.

We would talk online and on the phone and it was looking like it could turn into something a lot more than friendship…

One night last fall, he calls me at 3am and we are talking and he says he is in a cab on his way to my apartment… I don’t protest.

He walks into my apartment and starts making out with me. No words, just starts making out with me. We strip down naked in my living room and head to my bedroom. It was an hour and a half of naked fun in my bed. After we were both done we were laying there kinda talking but both half asleep. He gets up to go to the bathroom. I roll over and kinda pass out.

My phone wakes me up about 15 mins later. He sends me a text message saying he is always awkward sleeping not in his bed and that it’s not me. I thought it was cute, and went back to bed.

Over the course of the next few nights, I would call Kevin B and leave a message. I got the hint when he wouldn’t call me back. About 2 weeks after we had our fun, I IM him while he is online. He explains that he had fun, but that I “Wasn’t his type” and he wasn’t into me.

I still don’t understand why he would walk into my apartment and make out with me… I asked him why did he do those things he did and talk a lot of bullshit… his answer…

“I was drunk. It never would have happened if I wasn’t hammered”

I was crushed. This was before I had the blog. Before I could vent my feelings and frustrations and get advice from awesome readers like you guys.

I haven’t talked to him since.

Back to tonight… the girls don’t know any of this.. Kevin B calls. They talk, he is on a date “with a hot guy that he likes.”

The girls say, “We met someone that knows you… JP from Connecticut.”

Random Girl “He says hello”

I found it funny. What are the odds.

The girls left and Josh and I are sitting, watching basketball and just talking. It was a very interesting conversation about mostly me being a gay guy in NYC looking for another gay guy in New York who is like me.

Truth be told, the only guys that are like me are the “straight” closeted frat boy types that don’t go to gay bars.

Looking back on my blog and re-reading about guys that I have hooked up with (Kevin, Kevin B, Mike, Guy) it’s just strange to me that NONE of them has turned into more than that. Anyway, nap time.


  1. JP, Damn, you're my type of guy. I'm a former athlete and your standard Ralph Lauren( neo conservative) type of guy. It's hard for me to find a guy that is masculine that loves sports. I hope you get the job of your dreams, and have a guy find you and treat you like a prince. I love your blog.


  2. Hey JP. I've been reading your journal for a while. You sound like a great guy. I sympathize with your guy situation. My current relationship and the one before it have been with guys that are not compatible with me at all. It's paticularily hard for me being a black guy that "acts white" from what I'm told. I'm in a fraternity and used to play Lacrosse and it's SO damn hard to find a quality guy that clicks well with you. I hope you do find a great guy someday.

  3. hey great post. I was so into reading it I had totally missed the pics. ha. had to go back and check 'em out. hot
    anyway, hang in there, those other guys are out there and the closet frat boy types usually come out like you have. also very cool you're getting trained at work in new things. sweet. good luck.