Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Best "Friends"

My "best friend" has fallen off the face of the earth. John got married back in October to this wonderful girl named Laura. John and I have been best friends since freshman year of high school. We actually met back in middle school and were casual friends. He started playing football freshman year with me and became close during Spring practice and over that summer before freshman year.

John and I have a lot of history together because he was the first friend I ever came out to.. Sophomore year of high school. Now you wonder to yourself.. SOPHOMORE YEAR!?!

It was on a school trip to Florida. Spring of 1997. We were down at Walt Disney World at a rack competition. I was sharing a room with him and our friend Chris. John had been seeing this girl and she was being a bitch. She ended up cheating on him with our friend Brendan and broke up with him while he was down in Florida. He was broken up about it.

We were sitting around talking, he was crying and we needed something to take his mind off of everything. I did what a lot of people have done, I just blurted out.. "I think I am Bi"

At that point in high school, I wanted to say Bi because I thought it was ok. "Best of Both Worlds" as I would say. It was the biggest step I would take for the next few years.

Chris and John both looked at eachother and really didn't say anything. Chris was the first to respond with, "cool man, how do you know??"

From there I talked about my first experience with a guy, which was back in middle school, but did not give a name. I talked a lot about my fears and a lot about the image of being gay/bi and playing football and stuff.

The conversation from there was a blur. I do know that John and Chris would both be there for me and still are today. Through out the rest of high school I had girlfriends and would talk only a little bit about guys I would hook up with. Mostly when I met guys I would really like and not know what to do about them.

John asked me to be the best man in his wedding. I was honored. He asked me this the night he got engaged and called to talk to me. I was wasted at the time with a bunch of my fraternity brothers who were visiting me, but it was cool that he asked me. From there I talked to him once a month. It kind of annoyed me because I couldn't plan a stag or bachelor party for him. I would call him and it would take about 2 weeks to hear back from him.

The wedding came and went and It was a really good time. John and I sat down and talked that night before, right after his rehersal party about life, how we have stayed in touch and how important it was for him that I be there for him on that day. I was honored.

It's been 2 months or so since the wedding and I still have not talked to him. He is busy being married and working and I am cool with it. It just sucks when you need someone to talk to about stuff and they just aren't interested in calling back or listening. I guess I am just upset at the fact that I don't get a call back at all when I call. We were so close, would talk about a lot of stuff.

I miss the days of sitting in his basement taking shots of vodka and whiskey and getting smashed. Talking about life, the future and any bullshit.

Christmas day I had my phone off. I turned it on while in my sisters car going to my grandmothers. I got like 27 texts saying "Merry Christmas" then I got voicemails. the first one was from him. He left a LONG voice mail saying Merry christmas an apologizing for not calling me back sooner and looking at it objectively he knows that I am pist and wants to hang out "soon" to chill and catch up.

I haven't called him back yet. I know we are at different points in our lives (newly wed and single gay in the city) but woud just think it would be different. I had called and left a message a few weeks ago wanting to talk because I was really down (this was back during the whole apartment fiasco) and never got a call back from him.

There was a Christmas card from John and Laura today in the mail. I am in the background of the wedding picture as best man. I just called and left him a message.

I guess we will see how everything pans out.

BTW- Chris, whow as there that night, no longer talks to John. I saw him this weekend, we went to the Giants game together.He just bought a condo with his girlfriend and is looking at rings.....


  1. hey man, it does suck, I've had a LOT of friends who totally cancel out after getting married, I think its a bonding stage. my male buds have to get used to the whole routine and takes months, and a few close girl friends in college took about a year before it was cool to actually talk to guy friends again. anyway, seriously nothing changes as far as feelings and relationship after a while, I've gotten piss drunk with my married buddies at college homecomings and ski trips after college where all the guys stay in one condo and the girls in another, its true that after a while they want a break from each other and remember about keeping bonded with other friends etc... anyway just from my experience with my married friends..later.

  2. My best friend has been married since forever. He is very poor about returning calls. I've become used to it. There have been occasions when I desperately wanted to talk with him but he wasn't there for me. So I didn't talk with anyone. Just hope that someone comes along to fill that void in your life, that need. You can't force any of this. It will happen as it will.

  3. Hrm...I feel your pain. This situation is nearly like when one moves away too, in a sense. But let me finish the thought about friends getting married.

    There is one close friend who's getting married next year, I mean we're really good friends and he's been with his gf, no fiancee, for years now. I mean we still talk, hang out, he calls me and checks up on me and I the same. But I don't think it's gonna change much when he does get married. Or at least I hope it doesn't. I'm friends with his fiancee too so it might be easier that way.

    And the other thing is if your friends are the type of people, despite being married, stay tride and true to your mantra of friendship. I would like to think there are those out there who would make the time to stay in touch.

    And my other point, it's like when one moves away. There are friends who would go out of their way to visit you. Like my best friend, despite not having the money to sometimes to gas up his car he comes up to visit me. And I love him for it. I rarely get to see him unless I go down to visit usually, and even then it's short. Albeit depressing.

    But my point is, no matter what you're going through or are in, there are friends who stay true and will definitely be there for you no matter what and there are also those that can and will surprise you at times when you least expect it.