Friday, November 24, 2006

...from the past

While I was at home, I was looking for a pair of shorts, digging through a drawer that is under my old bunk bed. I found a pair of shorts from when I played football in high school and found a notebook. In the notebook was notes from when I would go online and talk to guys. There was a page for guys I talked to that lived around me and from guys that lived around the country. I had an online relationship when I was 15 with a guy from Florida. We would sign everything “wuv” JPMac and so on.

I knew I needed to fall asleep… so I brought the notebook into the bathroom and read a few pages before I fell asleep. I read a page and some memories flooded back of this one guy named… Guy.

Guy and I met like most of the guys I met back in the day, on the internet. I was on AOL chatting away and I got an IM from him. We chatted and he was an awesome guy. He played football at a high school one town over but was not in our league so we never played a regular season game against each other. He was a year younger than I was and asked if I had a car. He wanted to meet up a few days later… so I drove close to his house one night around 7:00pm. We met up and drove around. Talked for a little bit, then he asked me if I wanted to take a walk on the golf course. Which we all know means hook up. I was 16 years old at the time and wanted to have some fun.

We did have fun. And for the rest of the summer we would meet up at night and “hang out”. When school started again, I really didn’t hear from him. I went away to college and transferred to Quinnipiac and one night I get an IM from Guy. It was a blast from the past. We chatted and he ended up coming up to visit me at school. My roommate was out so he stayed over. Guy and I continued “seeing” each other until I graduated high school. It was those random nights that I would call him or he would call me. We both felt the same way about each other but never called each other boyfriends.

I guess I should describe him. He played fullback for his team and was kind of short, 5’9”. He was definitely jacked. All muscle. He was rock hard, had awesome abs and loved making out. He was a very oral kind of guy. He had a few tattoos, one on his bicep of an itand one on his back that had his family’s last name. After a couple times visiting me at college, we had done everything together. Then, as always, he got a girlfriend. I could see it coming.

The last time we had sex was a snowstorm in February at my house. My parents had gone away for vacation so it was just me and him. We were laying on the couch, watching TV and just hanging out by the fireplace and he had started talking about how he wishes we could be around our friends and be like this. It was tough.

We talked for on IM and on the phone a few times and then I got my job in NY. I gave him a call one weekend and he said he couldn’t hang out because he had to hang out with his girlfriend. Even though we were not “together” it hurt.

I haven’t talked to him since then. I really want to try to get back in touch with him. I always seem to fall for the guys that are in the closet and won’t come out. Maybe in a few years he will realize who he is and accept it.

I really hope so because he is a really great guy!

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