Whelp, I think I have a boyfriend

A funny thing happened this weekend. I introduced Chris to a bunch of my friends this weekend. Pretty much every one who met him loved him. My friend Mark, who seems to be my best friend here, thinks he's an awesome guy. This was the third night we ever hung out together and I gotta say that I am just really happy around him. He walked me home and I told him to come upstairs with me because "it was cold out" He ended up spending the night and we honestly just cuddled next to each other that night. It was fantastic. The next morning we were talking in bed about everything and nothing when he told me that he doesn't want to meet anyone else and that he loves spending time with me. He wants to focus on me and only me. With out doing the whole "Do you wanna be my boyfriend" high school question he essentially told me that I am the only guy on his radar. I lied and told him the same thing. I know... You're screaming... "JP you're a fucking idiot" I know. I just could not tell him that I have also been seeing this guy Nate for the past few weeks. Nate is this incredibly looking guy who I met at a local bar. He lives up in Harlem and is a Broadway actor/grad student. When hanging out with straight friends I make a decision to stop at at least one gay bar on my way home before turning in. This one night back at the beginning of December this guy Nate approached me. He is just all kinds of fantastic looking. I started conversation with him and we just hit it off. He's a bit young but for what I am looking for but he was just so cute. Turns out that he had come up next to me because he thought that I was really cute. Since meeting him I have hung out at the place he waits tables to just say hi and see how he is doing. I haven't seen him since before Christmas and he's been a flake since we last saw each other. Right now I am extremely happy that I have a guy like Chris who likes me, tells me that I am handsome and even roots for the Giants. Did I have the heart to tell this guy that I have gone on dates and have been interested in other guys. No. In my mind, Nate was a play toy that I thought I wanted something more with because he's incredibly hot. Chris is the whole package. I'm focusing on him.

A follow up

When I am out at a bar it is easy for me to go up and start a conversation with a random guy. I have no problems going up and talking to someone. Over the last few weeks I have met some really cute guys and have had some hilarious antics while out.

After my "Go Fuck yourself, 2011" post below I got some encouraging words from friends on here. I needed to post a follow up to the post.

I had a date this week with a guy I met at a bar last weekend. This is how we met... The events of the night brought me back to a certain bar here in the city. My friend Adam decided to go home and I was left at the bar all by myself and decided that I wanted one more beer. Call it fate. Call it the Universe reading my blog and saying, "Oh wow... we have fucked this guys life up a lot this year... here you go"

This girl comes up to me and starts conversation. Behind her is this really cute Italian guy. Crystal blue puppy dog eyes, fantastic white smile and he is staring at me. His friend asked me some bullshit question and it was all a ruse to talk with me.

It was simple bar conversation... most of it about the holidays. Now, I have had conversations with cute guys in bars before. I have felt that lust that one may have for a guy you just meet. The lust where you just wanna rip their clothes off, go down on them and call it a night kind of lust. I did not feel that with him.

I felt this overwhelming connection with Chris. Over the course of the rest of the night Chris and I talked about anything and everything. His friends left to go to a diner and we stayed behind to talk. Then he said something where I truly believe the Universe stepped in and brought us together.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.

I tell him no. Over the next hour he kept asking me, "Are you sure you don't have a boyfriend?" I laughed and eventually asked him why he kept asking me that...

He told me that he had been burned by guys a lot lately with whom he has dated and then found out that he is "the guy on the side" and did not want to go through with that. After having that happen to me pretty much all of the fall, I saw that as a sign of some kind. Call me crazy but I do believe in fate... and a lot of crazy other shit too.


We went on a date a few days ago and I can honestly say I am really into him. Not just because he is a cute guy and I am attracted to him... it's the little things that he has said to me.

In the middle of a conversation at dinner he just blurted out, "Damn it you are beautiful." and "You are such a man's man I fucking love it."

We are hanging out on Friday and possibly having a sleep over. I hope this feeling doesn't fizzle or fade.

2011 - Go Fuck Yourself

Well 2011... you were a year of transitions.

The last 2 weeks of 2011 are always met with frustration and reflection. You have to buy gifts, it's cold, it get's dark around noon so all you want to do is sleep... and the Giants are usually starting to implode leading me to drink a lot more and not go to the gym because it gets dark around noon.

In 2009 I celebrated New Years Eve in Rome. Rang in 2010 and said that it would be my year. I moved to LA and then back to NY. I have spent a full year in NY and feel like I am still in the same cycle of repetition. 

2012 is going to be different and here's why...

Work
I started the year as a writer for a cable news show. I should really use air quotes there but nonetheless I was a writer. In March, the Network approached me with a freelance producer position which I took and have been doing ever since. Well, one of my good friends who I work with got a promotion and is moving to the West coast and he has recommended me to take over his job. I've been told by his boss and numerous other people that I will most likely be taking his job and that in the new year, I will be offered a contract.

BOOYAH. Things are looking up. I am good at what I do and people recognized it. Already... 2012 is looking good.

Relationships
This was a year of transitions for me when it comes to relationships. I have become more cognizant of my relationships with people. Not just the dates I go on but with my friendships. A lot of friends I have here in the NYC area have just evaporated. Mostly because the majority of them are now in relationships and only hang out with other couples and do what couples do best. Be lame and go to bed at 9pm.

As far as men go... I have come to the conclusion that all men are fucking awful. My dating life has become so comical that I have decided to write a web series based on my exploits. I have had some pretty incredible exploits over the last few months that include hooking up with a bartender at the bar, meeting a bunch of guys with boyfriends and husbands and semi-dating a former Marine who turned out to be dating a cousin of mine who is female.

Just to rant for a little bit.... but guys with boyfriends I need answers...

My roommate is in a situation where he is falling for a fuck buddy of his. The fuck buddy in question is in a relationship and is moving to London in a few months. Apparently the guy woke up and tried to get his partner to have sex. the partner was tired so he said go on grindr. My roommate and this guy have now been fucking off and on for a month. Why do guys in relationships do that? Having open relationships is incredibly common in the gay world right now.

Hell, I seem to only meet guys who are in relationships. The last guy I slept with picked me up at a bar. I was walking out with friends and he stopped me to talk. his sexy British accent kept my attention. Later that night after round 2 the guy answers his cell phone (at about 5:30am) and says, "Hey... yeah I am at a diner with friends. I am on my way home.... (hangs up) that was my boyfriend... he's waiting for me..."

I guess that's why we didn't go back to his place.

My friend Juan says that he has come to the realization that he will be single for the rest of his life. I have the same thoughts and then I think to myself that being single is kind of awesome. I have all these fun stories to tell my straight friends when we meet up...

Dating is hard here in NYC. I'm having fun. I wish someone would come out and swoop me off my feet.

2012... let's hope that man is out there somewhere.

Getting Stood Up

There is nothing worse than getting stood up on a date. Especially after a guy that you really like and want to get to know does it to you.

Hey, shit happens. If you can't make it or just don't want to meet up with me... fake an excuse and don't just leave me hanging. Everything happens for a reason.

That's how this date was planned. About 2 months ago I was out for a boozy night with friends at Therapy. We were downstairs celebrating a friend of a friends birthday. I saw this guy in a red flannel shirt just kind of hanging by himself. He looked cute. I got into conversation with friends and lost sight of him. Happens all the time when you're out with friends.



We decided to make our way upstairs to check the scenery out and as I walked up the stairs there he was. The guy in the red flannel shirt. I smiled at him and he smiled back. He came up to me and introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Red Flannel Guy" he said. Ok, that's not his real name... I just don't want to use his real name or even try to be creative and give him a pseudonym.

We made small chit chat and he asked me for my number leaned in and gave me a kiss. He was heading out with his friends and then just like that he was gone.

Over the next week we text each other back and forth but never set anything up. One day I decided to give him a call but only got his voicemail. I left the ball in his court and never heard back from him.

Last weekend I was out with the same group of friends and was running late. I got to the bar late and went right up for a drink before meeting up with friends. As I am waiting for my drink this guy starts to talk me up. We get to talking and end up chatting for about 20 minutes. He was enthralling, funny and charming. Not to mention handsome. I tell him that I need to go find my friends because I had been running late and I ask him for his number.

As I put his number in he comes up in my phone as "Red Flannel Therapy"... I told him he was already in my phone and he said, "This must be fate. Everything happens for a reason"

After planning our date for last night... I sat at the bar of his favorite restaurant waiting for him. He never showed. I had text him earlier in the day asking if we were still on for 7:30 and got nothing back.

Getting stood up sucks. The bartender knew what was going on and gave me a free drink which... helped.

I will say this... the last few months have been fantastic when it comes to dating guys. There have been ups and downs... by far a lot more ups than I have previously ever had. When it rains, it pours.

Getting stood up just sucks. I wonder if he will man up, apologize and ask me out again. I'd like to think that he will but somehow I really don't think he will.

"Weekend"

Last week I went and saw the movie "Weekend" with my friend Matt. If you haven't seen the film yet I highly suggest going out and seeing it.

The Hollywood Reporter put it best as to what the film is about.

Two men fall convincingly in love over a weekend of sex and drugs.

Russel and Glen meet at a bar and have a one night stand. You can tell that Glen is really into Russel the morning after as they are saying goodbye in the hallway.

Some gay men have been there. You meet a man one night in a bar and you fall in love. That love quickly fades into reality a few days later.

I was lucky enough to meet a guy here in the City named Sam.He was here in New York on vacation last week and met him the night I saw the movie while having a nitecap with my friend. Sam and I decided to stay out for more drinks and he ended up back at my place.

When I woke up in the morning I looked at the Sam laying next to me and thought that I had hit the jackpot. A hot guy who was super into me and wanted to hang out with me.

Over the next couple days, Sam and I took New York on. I was his tour guide and every thing he wanted to do was checked off his list. During this time sharing cabs, drinks, dinners and walking around this glorious city we learned a lot about each other.

I fell. Hard. Like... really hard. Knowing that Sam was heading back home on Monday morning I tried to keep my head straight. In the end I did get hurt by this guy with a nights worth of events that led to me blackout drunk and him nowhere in sight and his luggage still at my place.

Everything happens for a reason. I am a huge believer in that mantra. Reflecting on meeting Sam and what transpired I think I know why I had such an emotional connection to this guy with only knowing him for a short period of time.

He was everything I wanted in a man. Athletic, smart, dorky, goofy, held my hand as we went walking through the MoMA and was really fun to talk with. To boot he's sexy as hell. When it all came crashing down I was hurt. I needed this hurt. Like everyone needs a bad break up to realize something about themselves.

Same picked up his stuff at my apartment. He walked in the door and before I could get a word out he gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. I apologized for what had transpired and he was incredibly gracious.

The previous night he decided to go home with another guy after spending the entire day with me, bringing his stuff over, having dinner and getting ready to go out. The guy was waiting for him downstairs in his car getting ready to take Sam to the airport. The guy was a means to an end. He needed a free ride to the airport and took him up on the offer. Does it still hurt... yeah. I know I will get over him. I know I will move on and find someone else.

Summer was a fantastic time. I went on a bunch of dates with different guys. Nothing worked out because these guys were just not the right fit and that's ok. What I do know is that I learned more about myself from Sam than I ever imagined.

Now I just need to sleep and focus on one thing at a time. Firstly... I'm focusing on me and what I want right now because frankly... I have no fucking clue.

Phoneless

When I moved out to Los Angeles I had a Blackberry Storm. The thing sucked major balls. The screen stopped working, was slow and just over all was a terrible phone to try and use.

When I was in negotiations for my contract in LA the phone would drop the call and restart. It was awful.

Once I was settled out in LA I bought a Droid. A year and a half later I am on my 5th different Droid and awaiting a Droid2 to be delivered by my insurance company.

My Droid1 decided to have a meltdown in my pants while I was going to a friends show on Sunday afternoon.

Now, I work the strangest hours in the world and when my Droid2 is delivered I will most likely be asleep. It sucks because now I have to stay up and make sure I get my new phone and then sleep. It's annoying.

Come out, come out where ever you are

A few years ago I went to Las Vegas to console a friend of mine who was working on a movie that was filming in Sin City. His college girlfriend of 2 years broke up with him the day he left for Vegas. I know, what a cunt.

He was heart broken. I took a few days off from work and ended up flying out to meet him and party it up in Vegas. We had a blast and I actually wrote a short film based on our time in Vegas together.

While I was out there, I met a guy who was also working on the movie, Mike.

Mike was an incredible dancer, fun to be around and always was the life of the party when we hung out. He also was one of those guys that I was instantly attracted too. We were sitting at a table at some club and I asked my friend if Mike was gay.

"No way. He's been banging this girl Jenn the last few weeks." He said.

Jenn told me before I knew about the banging that she was a self proclaimed fag hag.

After Vegas, Mike and I kept in touch on Facebook. I would always flirt and try to keep up with him. A few months ago he and I started chatting on a regular basis. Nothing major just talking about the business of Hollywood and what each of us was working on. Then, a few weeks ago he called me looking for advice.

He had 2 job offers in Los Angeles and had just finished moving his boyfriend into a new apartment in another state. That was his way of coming out too me.

It was very casual and never really mentioned it to me. Turns out that after meeting me in Vegas he came out to a bunch of friends and started dating his now boyfriend.

He also wants to know when I am coming to visit LA because he has now broken up with the boyfriend and doesn't want a long distance relationship.

Fuck You, Match.com

This past weekend one of my little sisters got married. It was a weekend of pure fun. My brother in law seriously rocks. There is a picture that the professional photographer took of my sister looking into the eyes of her now husband with this look on her face. She's just so happy.

I love and hate weddings. Most weddings you can see true love in front of you at that very moment the bride and groom first see each other.

Then there is the fear of being alone and single the rest of your life if you are single. Apparently, all of this is perfectly normal.

It's not a secret that I have been using online sites to meet someone. My other sister met her current boyfriend on Match.  My good friend Ryan met his current flame on Grindr. (seriously)

What get's me upset is that after trying Match.com for 3 months I barely had ANYONE message me on the site. I'm not a bad looking guy. Justin over in Chicago can vouch for that. This is what pisses me off...

Weeks of not getting responces from people and this is what I get in my mailbox about 2-3 times a day.

Seriously. Match.com can fuck a duck.

The Guy I (sort of) Sent to Rehab

Years ago I met this guy named Shane. We were out at a bar one night in Connecticut, way back before I moved to the City.

I was out with some friends from the restaurant I worked at. We were sitting at a table and these guys start talking with the girls I was with.

Right away I was attracted to Shane. He’s athletic... about 6 foot tall and around 170 pounds. Brown hair and blue eyes. Shane and I start talking about the Yankees and the two of us just start talking baseball back and forth.

At one point I was on my way back from the bathroom and a friend of his stops me and asks me if I was really gay.

Apparently Shane had just come out of the closet as well. We were hitting it off pretty well so his friends wanted to make sure that my friends were not fucking with them.

After the bar closes we ended up back at Shane’s friends place. We are all still drinking and Shane and I were left by ourselves on a couch. We leaned in and there was some hesitating on his part.

“I really want to kiss you but I don’t want it to be a one night thing” he said.

I was fine with that.

After that night Shane and I would text and I ended up moving to the city. He ended up meeting a guy named JR and they dated for 3 years.

Flash forward to last year. I’m living in LA and Shane sends me a message on Facebook. He has been broken up with JR for the last year and he’s not over him yet. He’s telling me what he wants in a guy and he’s basically describing me.

I tell him that if I lived in CT or close by that I would with out a doubt give him a shot. I ended up moving back to the East coast (obviously) and hung out at Shane’s bar that he works at.

My friend Blair would come with me and honestly we would just shoot the shit. He knew that I liked him but I wasn’t being aggressive at all about it. The night came where he asked me if I wanted to come over to his place and watch some football with his roommate and a few friends.

I made sure to look good for when I went over and made my sisters buffalo chicken dip. I also made sure to pick up a bottle of Maker’s Mark to drink.

He greeted me outside with a quick peck on the lips. I could smell alcohol on his breath. He took me on a tour of his place that he shared with his friend Jackie.

His friends started to arrive and he had his arm around me almost the entire night. I was incredibly happy because I had a hot guy who liked me.

About 2 hours into the party Shane got so drunk that we had to put him to bed. I stayed and watched the entire game and said good night to him before leaving. He was pretty muh dead to the world.

The next day I shot him a text asking how his hangover was. No response. I texted his roomie to ask if she had seen him. She had not.

Two months later I get a criptic Facebook message from him saying that he had checked himself into rehab that next day because he had been abusing drugs and alcohol.

I kinda laugh about it because I brought him a bottle of his favorite booze. We drank it together and the next day he went to rehab.

Just another story in the long line of dating fails from this year.

I like guys with boyfriends

Welcome back to those readers who have started coming back. This blog has turned into a place for me to write out my dating woes and try to figure stuff out by writing and reading comments from you guys. I've tried to talk to some of my gay friends about dating but a lot of them have their own shit going on so... here I am.


I recently went out on a date with this guy named Drew. I thought it went really well. . Last week I flew to LA for a friends birthday. I had mentioned to Drew that I was heading out to LA and wanted to get together when I got back. The last time we had talked, I was going to text him before my flight back East and we could set something up for the next night. 

He sent me a text the next morning saying he already had plans. UPDATE: I shot him a text on Monday morning since I had not heard from him. He sent me this text back which I have not and will not respond too, 

"Hey JP,  Thanks. I had a good time the last time we hung out but I am going to decline. Hope there's no hard feelings"

My only reaction to this text is his loss.


While in LA I met this guy named Matt. We were part of the same group at this bar and clicked when we started talking to each other. We ended up making out as the day progressed. He confessed later that night that he has a boyfriend who was out East for a wedding. I stopped the make out session.


Shitty luck but I was on vacation so... no worries.



This past Saturday my night started early with post-softball game beers before I met up with a fraternity brother of mine who also happens to be gay. I told him the story about LA. We both laughed because it's a vacation/drunken pride make out session. I then told him how I was hitting on a guy at Boxers who had a boyfriend.


My goal for the rest of the night on Saturday was to meet a guy without a boyfriend.


I failed miserably.


The next bar I went too this guy started talking to me at the bar. Italian/Puerto Rican mix from the Bronx. About 20 minutes into the conversation he introduced me to his 6'5" boyfriend. We left the bar about 2 minutes later. 


There is nothing wrong with talking to a guy with a boyfriend. I just so happen to attract them.


Our last stop of the night concluded with me being fucked up with a wide range of emotions for 24 hours. I was pretty drunk at this point. Not fall down, sloppy drunk. I was looking for my friend Mark when I bumped into the back of this guy standing near me. I apologized and as he turned around I was enamored with the beauty that was in front of me. 


I got lost in his blue eyes and the only way I can describe the attraction to him is that it was primal. I have never in my life been breathless. 


Now, this is where the night starts to get fuzzy. I remember talking with him and I remember his leaning in and nibbling on my ear. He was there with a friend who was now talking with my friend. 


Our friends disappear and we end up in the back of the bar in an intense make out session. After what seems like ages he pulls away from me and says that he has to get home to his husband. Something that my straight lady friends always look for is a wedding band. I did not happen to notice.


The next morning I am hung over and have to get on a train to Connecticut to go hang out with my dad for fathers day. I get a text from the married man. 


He wants me to meet his husband so we can have a threesome. 


I don't even know where to begin with this....


My brain is telling me to cut off all contact with this guy because he is trouble. He is making out with a random guy in a bar while his husband is at home. 


The devil on my shoulder is saying, "fuck it. This isn't your fault. You can't fight your primal instincts" 


This guy said all the right things to me. Told me that I looked sexy. That I smelled incredible. He knew all the things to say to me and how to touch me in a way that turned me on without all out groping me in a bar. This guy has done it before and will do it again to someone else.


Needless to say, I have not done anything with this guy and as of right now I don't plan on it. A friend of mine told me to cool off and take some time away from guys.  That's what I'm doing.